Post-Party Glow

GREAT day yesterday. I celebrated the day I was born 4 days early this year. I had my friends, my family, and most importantly, my boyfriend there to celebrate with me. I had a great day, and really enjoyed seeing old, and new, friends, as well as spending the day with the love of my life.

Beyond just a great day with a fabulous sherbet and white ice-cream cake, I went to my weekly ritual at Weight Watchers. I lost 2 pounds last week, bringing the total to 12.6 pounds! I was so proud of myself, because I really wasn't feeling great about my weight loss this week since I strayed from my rigid exercise routine. But there is some power in changing it up. Those two days in the pool were probably more exercise than I realized, and working your muscles in different ways is always a way to stimulate weight loss.

Seeing Ryan yesterday did a lot for me. It reinforced the love I have for him. It reinforced how strong our relationship is, even with time spent apart. And even though he doesn't say it, it proves to me that he does love me. Despite the growing need to hear those three words said, being held in his arms, lying on the couch at my house was enough for now. I try to think of ways to remind myself that he truly cares about me and wants to be with me, but his gift yesterday was perfect. He framed a picture of us that I have been begging him to make a copy of for me. He picked out a great frame and it really meant a lot to me: more than something that I would ultimately cast aside.

Speaking of gifts, I got the shoes I've been dying to try. Reebok Easy Tones. The ones constantly on T.V. making me believe in the power of great advertisement. So I got them in silver and a darker shade of fuschia. They are very comfortable. In the weeks to come, I'll let you know if I notice a difference.

Overall, I'd say my early birthday was a great combination of what I needed, and what I wanted. It's hard to think that in just 4 short days, I will be sedated and having 4 wisdom teeth removed. But for now, I'm just enjoying my post-party glow.

Every Girl Needs a Little Black Dress

There have been a lot of advancements since my last post. For starters, I went to the established church of Weight Watchers on my holy day, Saturday, and weighed in. I lost 2 pounds last week. Total weight loss: 10.6 pounds. That is 5% of my starting weight. I was so happy, that a lot of the week to follow made sense.

I was a LOT happier at work, because I was beginning to get a shred of my self esteem back, which is on my summer "To-Do" list. It's a slow process, but its well on its way. As well as the bit about losing weight, liking myself, becoming healthier, and determining a better sense of WHO. I. AM.

Part of the healing process was covering the wound from my first day of work, where an elderly patient cussed me out and made me literally shaken to my core. I knew that I should have written it off as, "Oh, he's just old." But I couldn't. I tried. I tried to laugh it off, cry it off, analyze it until I was blue in the face, and nothing and no one could make me get rid of the feeling but time and experience.

Which I got. On Monday, and Tuesday of the following week. It began to get easier to deal with patients, and I began to feel more comfortable with my job. But the fact of the matter is, my job is constantly changing. No two days are ever the same, even with the same patient. Every time I stand outside one of their apartments after knocking at the door, I can't help but feel vulnerable.

So, this created a need for relaxation, which ultimately resulted in "glamour therapy." I started with watching Sex and the City. Which has helped put a little spring in my step the last few days. The clothes, the characters, the shoes. It's all a little bit of my alter-ego. And watching it makes me able to live the more mature life I so desperately desire, even if only living it vicariously through Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, and Miranda Hobbes.

After watching hours of a group of 4 female friends discussing every detail of their lives, I got a little bit of that myself. I spent two fabulous days by the pool with Tiffany and Kayleigh Dyer, and Sarah Taylor. A shopping trip boosted my self confidence with a fabulous pair of shoes, and what we coined as my "Goal Dress." This dress is fantastic. Chic. Black. (And every girl needs a little black dress ;) Really looks great on me, when I get closer to goal weight. I could wear the dress now, but, I have decided to save this dress for occasions such as . . . our Band Banquet in glorious California! So, by then, I should be able to wear the dress with my head held high, and a gorgeous boy on my arm. :)

Trudging Through

Life is, to me, moseying along. Just moseying. With no clear purpose for the here and now. Let me tell you what I mean.

The good news this week is that I lost 1.2 pounds! That brings my total weight loss to 8.6 lbs! I can't wait for my 10 pound mark, 'cause thats also my 5% target weight. I lost weight, even though I ate cake and ice-cream at my brother's graduation party, which always makes you feel good when you stay on track and allow yourself to be a part of parties, etc. I have felt GREAT these last few weeks, but now? I just feel stagnant.

I went and signed the paperwork for my new job at Croasdaile. I also did the drug test and the TB test. I got a nice bruise from that. To the woman who doesn't have a bruise even after being kicked down a flight of stairs, it was odd to find a bruise from such a tiny needle. Poor administration, I suppose. I don't get to do anything until Wednesday, when I have to sit through some real boring Orientation sessions for 2 days. I just want to go ahead and start, but no, stiiiiiill stagnating.

I got to see Ryan. That was probably the highlight of my week. I didn't realize just how much I missed him until I saw him. And I ran right into his arms. And man. Let me tell you. He has put on some MUSCLE! We had a great fun filled day of movies, and a 5k through the Town of Smithfield. It made me feel great to do the 5k for the Weight Watchers Walk-It Challenge, but even better to do it with him. I enjoyed that day, but it kind of made me sad that I won't be able to be with him all the time, like I am at school. It made me realize just how much he means to me, and how ready I am for the next phase of my life to begin: with him in it.

So, as you can tell, I feel like I've gotten a taste of what I want my life to be, but I feel like I'm sort of helpless in getting it there, no matter how much I want to do. I just feel like I'm trudging through.

Perhaps I can find some solace in my girls on Sex and the City. I managed to find the entire series on Ebay and won the bid for less than $50. Great steal. Hopefully, they can infuse my life with a little more glamour.

Things Are Falling Into Place

So. As of this week, I lost 2.4 pounds, which brings my overall total weight loss to 7.4 pounds! I was very happy with this this week, considering I wasn't expecting to lose much.

I typically don't weigh myself during the week, just because then I will get disappointed if the scales aren't the same as at Weight Watchers. So, I don't do it at home. But this week, I had to go get my yearly physical at the doctor, and they took my weight. I wasn't going to ask what it was, but they put a digital readout of it right at my eye level, two inches away from my face. So what was I to do? Shut my eyes and risk falling in the pediatric office? Ohhhhh no. Not going down that road.

When I saw it, it was only Two tenths of a pound down from my weigh in at Weight Watchers last week. And being a Thursday, we should have been able to see more of a weight loss than that for the week, seeing as I weigh in on Saturdays. So that was rather depressing. But then, oh to my surprise, I lost 2.4! So, Hooray for me!

In other news, I got the "Official" call from Croasdaile about the job, and I GOT IT! So, another hooray! I am going in the next orientation on the 16th, and have my drug screen, TB test, and paperwork appointment this week! So, all is finally settling into place.

But. I have to admit. I owe a bit of my newest obsession to a few different people. First, to Tiffany, who invited me to see the film, but mostly to Amy Shu, for exposing me to the "sexy" world it is.

I. Am. Sex and the City. Obsessed.

While that kind of sounded like an AA Confession, it is, nonetheless, true. In watching the first film, after being invited by Tiff to see the sequel, I rediscovered an old love. My love of Kim Cattrall. My childhood obsession with her character Emmy, from Mannequin, has morphed into my adult love of the overtly sexual "Samantha Jones." With the exception of her sexual conquests, we are, soulmates. And anyone who knows me, or Samantha, would say that that statement is true.

So now, on my long list of things to accomplish this summer, I am adding, watch the entire Sex and the City HBO Series.

Is This 3 Months Wasted?

Why is that if you want to work, you can't seem to get any feedback from an employer? I am so frustrated right now, and am having trouble being optimistic about the situation.

I applied for this job at Croasdaile Village as a Home Care Companion on April 28. After two unanswered emails, and three or four unanswered calls, I was beginning to lose hope that I would even get answered. Then, I get a call from Human Resources. We set up an interview. The interview takes less than an hour. I get recommended for a second interview with my future supervisor, Judy. Judy is the reason that I was even going to take this job because she told my aunt that she could really use me in her department and wanted to put me to work right away.

So, I interview with Judy on June 1st. Okay. Judy says that she will hire me after about 30 minutes of her talking to me. I need to go to Orientation before I can work, and they have one tomorrow. One would think that she would tell me to come to it. No. She says she will call Human Resources. And of 'course, I get NO response back. So here it is, Orientation day. The day that I should be getting ready to start working there, but no.

No. I am sitting at home. Where I have been for almost the entire month of May, waiting on these people to hire me, or communicate with me. I can only work there until the first or second week of August. So. It looks like I won't be going to Orientation until July. And if that isn't in the first week, then I won't get to work more than a few days out of the three months I am home.

And I'm so frustrated and scared that I can't pay for things, that I'm going to cry. Great.