10 Weeks to 10 Percent!

That's right. You guessed it. I FINALLY lost 10 percent of my starting weight! When I went to my ritual weigh in, I was expecting a small weight loss, since I haven't been able to exercise much since my wisdom teeth removal. I was pleasantly surprised when I dropped 4.4 pounds last week. This brings my total weight loss to 19.2 pounds! And... I finally got my keychain to put my 5k Challenge charm on!

I have been noticing a lot of changes in my health since the weight came off. The stairs aren't so dreaded and I don't huff and puff when I get to the top. I have more energy. I still can't sleep, but that's a whole separate deal. If I exercise everyday, I deal with stress better.

I haven't seen many people lately besides those at work, so I haven't gotten the "Have you lost weight?" comments yet. I'm waiting for those to start popping up. Sometimes I doubt that when I go back to school anyone will even notice. They'll just say, "Wow, Angie. How was your summer?" If that. I know there will be the people who read this blog (I think. I hope.) who see me and say something. But other than that, its kind of difficult to think that anyone else would care.

The last bit that I'm waiting to see is the clothes start fitting better. I have noticed a LITTLE bit. Such as, when I first came home, I couldn't wear the shorts that I wore last summer, but now those fit. But I'm not going to see big changes in the clothes department until my mid-section shrinks, and that is usually the LAST to go and takes a lot of working out to accomplish.

But I'm happy with how much I've done so far. And I'm even more determined to reach goal weight and lifetime status. And be able to look great in my Goal Dress for California! ;)

Relationships vs. Goals

Disclaimer: This is not up-beat. This is me. Writing about problems. So, if you're looking for a happy go-lucky blog entry to read about my successes, this isn't it. You have been warned.

I have been writing about all of my goals this summer. That's what sparked my untapped need to put my emotions, events, tales, thoughts, and dreams down on... well, not paper, but ... a blog. I have been so goal oriented that my life now feels like a series of parades. A parade of my weight loss goals and my reviews of my weekly meeting at the holy trinity; Weight Watchers, Kroger, and my kitchen. In my other parades I've been writing about events, like Junior Conference, my wisdom teeth removal, getting my new job at Croasdaile Village.

And while all of these things are important and affect who I am, they are not my feelings. They are not my emotions. They are, and have been in recent weeks, distractions to satisfy my fear. In my life, its easy to make a to-do list of things to accomplish. And with my drive, I know I can accomplish them.

Until it came to relationships. As much as I hate to write about them and hate to think that I would be so self-centered as to write about the way I feel about the relationship that I'm in, I realized it might be a good idea to try and get this down. Outside of my own subconscious. So I can stop thinking about it, or rather obsessing over it until I drive myself insane.

My relationship. Myyyyyyyyy relationship. I sincerely wish that I could just get my head around it. We've been together since our first day of college. Not as a couple, but as friends. We eventually started dating and have been together ever since. I never doubted us. I doubted myself. A lot. College will do that to you. But in recent weeks, I've started feeling loneliness creep into my everyday life.

Granted, my job isn't the most comforting. Sitting in a room with someone who sleeps most of the time isn't a great way to combat feeling alone. Most days our lives are so boring we have nothing great to talk about on the phone. And the real trouble comes with the fact that I have all day to sit. And think. I think about the strong feelings I have for him. And how I don't feel them being returned. Sure, I know he likes me. I know "I'm his favorite person." But when you are separated and get to see each other once a month, that's not necessarily what you're looking to hear.

Its not like we've been dating for a small amount of time. We've been together for three months short of two years. I know relationships are hard and you can't expect them to be fair all the time. But in all this time, I've loved him for a good portion of it. I didn't expect him to say it back, at first. I just wanted it returned eventually. But here we are. I say "I love you," with no reply.

When it comes to relationships, how much is too much? When do we know that they will never be able to give those emotions back? If you talk and they listen, is it enough? At what point do our needs take over and we have to have them satisfied or you'll just burst? I'm looking for those answers. And more. If you know, please help.

Stitches, Swelling, and Oxycodone

I did it. I had four wisdom teeth removed. I went through with it. And to be honest, I remember very little. I remember the tension and anxiety I had in the days leading up to the surgery. I remember it feeling like an eternity sitting in the waiting room. I remember them calling the wrong name for my surgery, and I remember asking if "Lindsay" was only having two removed, because in that case, yes, I was "Lindsay." But seeing as there was no "Lindsay," I accepted my fate.

I remember going back and sitting down. I remember asking Dr. Ruvo how many times he'd done this surgery, and he said, "I couldn't tell you total, but I've done 6 today." And it was 1 pm when I asked him. I remember them hooking me up to the heart monitor, the oxygen monitor and taking my blood pressure. I remember making a fist and telling him to put the I.V. in the other arm. And I remember him saying I was right because the veins in that arm were so small. I remember him tying the band on my arm and them putting the oxygen to my face. I saw him spraying something out of a needle and then I remember him saying the lights would spin. Well, they didn't spin. But they were going in and out and that's all.

When I came to, my aunt was laughing, I was sitting in a chair, in recovery. I don't know how I got there. I remember the nurse telling me a string of different liquids I could have to drink. I couldn't remember the first one by the time she got done telling me all the different things available, but I told her to give me the first one, which was Gatorade. I was seeing double of everything. I asked her to touch my feet so I could tell which one was my actual foot, and which was its non-existent twin. I remember Cheryl laughing at me when she saw how pitiful I looked. She couldn't stop. I wasn't mad, or sad, or upset. I just wanted to see what was so funny.

It's the second day after surgery. I'm still on a diet of all soft foods, and I've started incorporating roasted vegetables cooked very soft and soft pasta into my diet. I've been spoiled with cheese eggs and mashed potatoes; both specialties of my ever-attentive Aunt and caretaker extraordinaire. I'm still swollen up, have four sets of stitches, and am taking lots of motrin and oxycodone for the pain and swelling. Today should be the peak of both those side effects. It should all become more smooth sailing after today, and I sure hope so.

Even though I've had lots of my favorite foods, I've been conscious of writing everything down in my food journal and calculating the points. And it paid off. Even with my HUGE cheeks, I still lost 1.8 pounds this week. That brings my total weight loss to 14.8 pounds. I'm getting ever closer to accomplishing my goals. And that makes me feel great. But until then, I will sit, catch up on my T.V. and movies, and take my pills until I've had a full recovery.